[diary] Sleepless

It's almost 5:30 in the morning, and yet I can't feel a bit sleepy. Hyper feelings jumping all around in my brain. I always feel there are so much to do, and yet it depresses me when I just feel tired and fall asleep before getting to them.

You know, just a little nap, it won't hurt anyone, right?

No, it always turns out to be a more than 5 hours sleep, and see where I am at now? Sleepless!

At least I did some laundry today, not like that I haven't done anything. A coming week of full time tutoring is something keeping the thoughts going, I suppose. There is a huge thunder storm right now; hope it doesn't last for the week, I hate it when I have to get all wet when riding the bike.

Maybe I should make a list of what I hate and like, there are so many lists I can make out of myself, LOL. I really need to get some sleep now, even though the first class today is at 7 in the evening, but I got this 2 hours class at 9AM on Tuesday, don't want to get all tired now, do we.

The throat ache is sort of leaving and coming, let's see how it goes when I finish all three days of medicines.

[130624 update]: wake up time, 3PM

[diary] Burn in Throat

The side effect of being a full-time English tutor is that you will never know when you are going to lose your voice. The burning sensation in my throat has lasted several weeks now, and I finally took the time on today's day off to check about it.

It turns out that I actually had a cold and did not even notice about it, so my nose has infection that caused my throat to burn. Now I got to take medicines to cure the nose first, then throat would follow.

Got to admit, tutoring full time is good money, even better than when I was working in Taipei, but the irregular schedule for sessions is sort of set back for this type of profession. Anyhow, I am still glad that my TEFL certification which received ten years ago, has its full usage now.

[movie] 狗咬狗 (Dog Bite Dog) 2006

老實說，我極度抗拒不了電影內容包含了無關正義的主旨與全部角色皆有悲慘的下場．撇除血腥暴力的場景，我認為選角實在是選得好．陳冠希與李燦森的樣貌與行為舉止皆百分百的演活了兩個困在命運中，而無力抗拒的＂狗＂．

雖說李燦森的演技稍比陳冠希好些，但那些劇中展現的表情，實在令我難以忘懷．

到底人在失去一切所在乎的人事物和感情後，會呈現如何的不顧一切？這個問題真的很難答，真的有人能夠沒有任何依靠的感情嗎？能夠處於這樣情緒的人又會有怎麼樣的過去呢？或許我可以猜出一二，但我想我永遠都能夠找到我所在乎的事物，所以如此極端的情感，實在很難想像．

但終究的，我喜歡這部電影所想表達的意境，是一種悲哀參雜無奈的滋味．

[diary] Smoking & Grave's Disease

醫生說，該是戒菸的時候了．

脖前的組織增長，一直都在，也一直提醒著我身體的不健．服用近六年的藥物，雖說有控制，但TSH數值總回不到正常，也不斷困擾著我．

是不是該認真地思考這些關聯？菸齡也十八年了，說quit就quit，這個念頭老實說從未cross my mind，但是如果說真的幫助呢？一生服藥也不是我期待的狀態，增長的組織是否能由手術割除呢？

人的身體真很奇妙，和你所受到的壓力與環境息息相關，我便是最好的例子．

[movie] Soul Surfer 2011

Watching Soul Surfer yesterday had inspired me a lot in many ways. Even when you lose something so important like your arm, but there is always something behind it; a gift, wish or blessing. The possibility is endless, if you only believe in yourself (no, I am a non-believer, so don't feed me god is there that kind of info).

I wish there is more chances for me to give back to the world that gave me so much. Before my journey back to Canada, I must spend some more time in international volunteering.

Couple ideas though:

• Hawaii is so damn beautiful, if I can find a job there, maybe I will!!
• Surfing is so cool; probably same as the snowboarding that I have always suck at